wax on, wax off

So, remember that one time I had a blog about training for a half marathon?  Well, here's the part of the movie where no one really wants to watch the same, boring, repetitive crap while the main character becomes moderately proficient in something, so the director brilliantly utilizes that beloved device known as a TRAINING MONTAGE.

 

So buckle up, get ready, and please imagine whatever montage soundtrack you feel most comfortable with, be it Eye of the Tiger, Danger Zone, Hungry Eyes, or the Chariots of Fire Theme Song.  Here comes Erin's Half-Marathon Training Montage:

SERIES OF SHOTS – ERIN GETS SERIOUS ABOUT TRAINING

A)  Strapping on hydration belt, iPod, and headband, then tying running shoes.

B)  Confidently running down Sunset Boulevard, passing open-top buses full of tourists.

C)  Casually taking a refreshing drink of water while stopped at a signal.

D)  Awkardly running with upper arms raised at 90-degree angle from torso, because DEAR GOD THE CHAFING.

E)  Purchasing Body Glide at sporting goods store as clerk laughs knowingly.

F)  Applying Body Glide to underarms, replacing lid, then removing lid and applying another considerable layer.

G)  Running through family-friendly neighborhood at dusk, warily eyeing every man to assess whether he might be a rapist or mugger.

H)  Crawling around on the floor of bedroom, looking under bed for misplaced Nike+ Wristband.

I)  Eating energy gel for the first time on a run, GAGGING AND HEAVING IN CHURCH PARKING LOT.

J)  Climbing fully clothed into bathtub full of lunchbox ice packs.

K)  Screaming and clawing at sides of said bathtub.

L)  Stopping mid-run to apply more Body Glide, SERIOUSLY THE CHAFING.

M)  Crawling around on floor of bedroom, looking under bed for misplaced headphones.

N)  Running uphill in slow motion; car drives by at normal speed.

O)  Pulling wet clothes out of the washing machine, making face at the realization that they still smell like death.

P)  Crawling around on floor of car, looking under seats for misplaced iPod Shuffle.

Q)  Chugging grape gatorade, throwing empty bottle onto 3-foot pile of other empty Gatorade bottles.

END SCENE

Like any good training montage, this one had a lot of good lessons.  Sleep is your enemy.  You must keep moving forward.  Don't forget your Body Glide.  Ice makes things cold.  Always put things away, because it makes them easier to find next time you need them.  And most important of all, if you have a really good soundtrack and you can take out the boring bits, training schedules are awesome.  I ran 7 miles yesterday.  In just under an hour.  And my last upload to Nike+ from my wristband totaled 72 miles.  Beat THAT with a stick.

Posterous theme by Cory Watilo