fear of falling

It's 124 days until the LA Marathon.  I know this because today I thought I'd get a head-start on my 18-week training schedule and get it all planned out a few weeks ahead of time.  You know how long 124 days is?  Turns out, it's 18 weeks.  So, instead of a head start, my training for the LA Marathon began the same way I begin most days - running out the door half an hour later than I planned to, having to go back in three times to grab things I forgot, and wondering what happened to the daylight.

Before we get started with the Marathon training, here's a quick refresher:

Last season on See Jon and Erin Run:

  • We saw Erin train.
  • We saw Erin sweat.
  • We saw Erin fall.
  • We saw Erin walk the Portland Half Marathon with a broken elbow.
  • We saw Erin mysteriously disappear from this blog for 5 weeks.

What has Erin been up to for five weeks?  Has she been doing workouts that target her lower body, building strength and trimming fat for her return to running?  Has she been preparing a killer diet for her marathon training?  Has she been improving her balance and flexibility through injury-friendly yoga workouts?

Therapy

SPOILER ALERT: The answer to all of those questions is NO.

In the past five weeks, I have done nothing, except maybe consume an impressive amount of Diet Dr. Pepper while reading somewhere in the neighborhood of 12 books and occasionally going to bed at 7pm.  I had plenty of excuses for this behavior.  I had a broken elbow, for crying out loud.  And I work two jobs.  And life is hard, and blah blah blah these excuses are boring me to tears.  Let's cut to the chase - I was feeling super sorry for myself.  And I was feeling weak. In every possible way.  I felt weak because I have not cared one bit about what I've eaten for the past five weeks.  Weak because I cannot make my bone heal itself any faster.  Weak because I gave up on my workouts entirely when I couldn't give them 100%.  

Diet_dp

Yesterday, I had my appointment with my ortho doctor.  He took some x-rays, and when he came in to see me he said, "Wow - your elbow looks great."  Not only is it almost completely healed, but he was surprised and happy to tell me that I will be getting back full range of motion and strength without having to have any physcial therapy.  He actually told me congratulations.  And I thought, YES.  I am Erin.  I have amazing powers of healing.  WATCH ME ROAR.  

Self_defense

I started my marathon training with a 3-mile run tonight.  I realized as I headed out the door that I was nervous.  Not just because today kind of snuck up on me and I wasn't really prepared to start my training schedule.  I was nervous because I've spent the past 5 weeks being afraid of falling.  Afraid of starting anything, because one time I tripped and it hurt a lot.  And that's what has made the past 5 weeks so intolerable - this completely justified fear.  Because I DID fall.  And it sucked.  And it messed up my plans, and it reminded me that I'm getting older, and it cost a lot of money.  And all I could think as I started running tonight was...screw it.  I'm done being scared.  I'm done being weak.  Running makes me feel invincible.  Which I very clearly am not.  But I'm also not fragile.  I'm really good at healing myself.  And at some point, I'm going to fall down again.  But I'll get back up.  Cause I've got shit to do, and being afraid is just so very boring.

Yes_i_can

 

 

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